Thoughts from 30,000 ft over the Atlantic

I’ve been racking my brains to think of where to begin this story.

I’d like to put it simply.

My life, as so many others’, has not gone as I’d planned. Forethought, holding hands with certainty and stability, gives me the ultimate peace of mind. If we’re being honest, I could live off of the confident serenity brought me by my lists, day planner, and personal goals. But somewhere inside, deep down I’ve always known, that is not the life I’ll have. Without allowing myself to dread what I do not know and trust in some unseen spectacular, I am the smallest human that ever was. Is it enough to know what I am like? or may I venture farther to say that it’s better to work toward what you’d like to be like? 

And me, I’d like to be like one of those people who feels it and does, who is so in tune with Life and Right and Love that my actions, impulsive, unexpected, and outlandish as they may be, are nothing but good.  Without increasing my ability to withstand discomfort, how will I ever be able to relish any comfort? The age old philosophy of the yin-yang. 

So when choosing what steps to take next, I couldn’t stick with just anything simply to have a schedule, a paycheck, good work, etc. Likewise, I couldn’t pick just anything that would encourage my desired freedom for that fact alone. There are very definite reasons why I am me, here and now. My heart doesn’t feel so deeply for certain things for no real reason. As much as I hate to hear stories of manipulation and injustice, something about that pushes me to take action. When I talk with women and girls who have been neglected, misused, and taken advantage of, it’s like my voice comes from the deepest place in my heart to assure them they are valued. Like my mind plays no part in that message, but the Truth of the universe comes from within me to ensure that they know. They have a place here. There is something so incredibly special for them to contribute to this world that no one before them, now, or ever after could do in quite the same way.

There is this weird feeling I’ve had for a long time (and still do) when I think of why I am me and why I am here. When I try to process why this life has found me here in America, born to an upper-middle class, white, Midwestern family, equipped with enough to provide me with nearly anything I could ask for, my stomach turns. Now, I’ve been able to move past a point of guilt or shame, understanding that I shouldn’t feel guilty about details that are beyond my control. But knowing what I do, my current inability to act would be just cause for said guilt. Were I to continue on living as though I am the only one I should care for, my desires are the greatest and should be first quenched, or slip into the unfortunately damning mindset that “someone else with greater means will help those problems that I’ve identified,” I would consider myself to be a shameful person. 

This is all to say that I, Brittney Fry, am following my heart, responding to my awareness, and I am going to live with a group of girls who have been trafficked into Greece. I’ll be an intern at the organization, interacting with these girls who have gone through some severe trauma, but will be able to assure them that they matter and they have something to give to this world. 

Maybe I’ll better understand that I have something great to give, too.

One thing is certain, though -- I’m making sure my life means something.